Turning 18 is such a huge milestone in everyone’s life. There’s so much excitement around the idea of “becoming an adult” – all of the freedom and independence you gain with just one birthday. It’s the start of a new chapter – adulthood. The phrase “in X months I’ll be 18” has been on repeat in this house since November 16, 2018. “Can you believe in 6 months I’ll be 18?” “Isn’t it weird that I’m going to be 18 soon?” Well, here we are a full year later, and that day is finally here.
You and your sister changed my world 7 years ago, and being a step-mother to you has been nothing short of amazing. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that come along with being a step-parent – you love them so hard and fierce, a love that is unconditional, even though you didn’t bring them into this world. And you have constant worries and insecurity, questions of “Am I doing a good job?” “Do they think I’m trying to replace their parent?” “Am I making the right choice for them?” “Where do I fit in?” – I have asked myself these questions hundreds of times over the past years. However, here we are today, and having watched you grow and change and mature into the person you are, all of my doubt and fears and worries have subsided, as I’m so proud of the woman you have become.
I’ve sat back and reflected on your life a LOT this past week, (sometimes I wonder why I do these things to myself) and I’ve thought about all of the lives you’ve touched, how many people there are in this world that love you, and how much your 18 years on this planet has forever changed us all. I love to sit back and watch the bond you have with your father, and I find myself thinking about what life was like for him the day you were born – wondering what feelings and emotions he went through, how he felt the first time he held you, how much his heart grew the minute he met you, and continues to grow every day you are in his life. I think about what it was like for Nana and Papa and JenJen the first time they got to meet you – this tiny new bundle of love, knowing that the minute they laid eyes on you, their worlds would forever be changed. And I think about all the years in between then and now, the memories they’ve made with you – your first steps, your first words, teaching you to write your name, to ride a bike, all of it – and just how much joy you’ve truly brought to everyone’s hearts.
When you came into my life, you were this adorable, outgoing little girl who loved to wear skirts over her leggings. You LOVED putting on a show, like nonstop dancing and singing, always entertaining. My family and friends loved you and your sister immediately, and after six months I knew there was no going back, that I wanted to continue to be a part of your lives. Yes, I knew there would be times where you would challenge me and we’d butt heads, as all children do with their parents, and man were you GOOD at that! But I’d never change any piece of it, I’d never do it differently, because all of the fights and battles were worth it. You are worth it.
I’ve watched you grow and change and learn every day for the last 7 years. We have cried together, laughed together, and laughed so hard we’ve cried together. I’ve watched you be a kind and caring big sister, have seen the love you have in your heart for Autumn, the kind of love where you’d do anything to protect her and keep her safe, and it’s wonderful. I’ve watched you play pretend for hours with your cousins, doing anything and everything you can to make them laugh, never being too cool for their love. Carly, Mason, Owen, and Dylan – they all love you immensely for it. I watch you take notice when I’m having an off day, and silently make an effort to help me with it, without being asked to. I see the way you love your dad, waiting to give him a hug when he gets home from work, asking to hear about his day. The love you have in your heart for your family does not go unnoticed, ever.
One of my favorite memories I have of you is after your father and I got engaged. We came home from our trip and my parents led us out into the backyard for a surprise that you and your sister had set up, and there you were sitting under the tree, twinkly lights wrapped around the trees and fence, guitar in hand. You wrote a song for us, and played it as soon as we walked into the yard. It was perfect, and afterwards my mom told me how you had been rehearsing, wanting to get it right. It was the sweetest thing, and still brings me to tears all these years later whenever I think about it.
Of course, it’s not to say that I don’t miss the younger years, as that’s what happens in life. As a parent you don’t want your kids to grow up, you don’t want certain stages of life to be over, because it’s all very bittersweet. I miss the little girl who loved doing hair bows, the girl who was so excited to make snow angels in the street after a blizzard. I miss the little girl who loved singing for everyone and would sing SO loud in the backseat to every Miley Cyrus song on the radio. I miss that little girl who needed her dad to put on her favorite CD every night to fall asleep. I miss the little girl who would let me paint her nails and brush her hair, who would sit on her daddy’s lap for a story before bed.
But with all of those moments in your life past us, there are so many more to look forward to. I look forward to helping you get ready for prom, and I look forward to watching you walk across the stage at your graduation. I look forward to seeing you starting your life, finding your place in the world. I look forward to the stories of your travels and the journeys you take. I look forward to the life you will build for yourself, knowing that you will bring love and joy and kindness to whatever you do. Most importantly, I look forward to all of the ways you will continue to impact my life, the ways you will continue to change my world.
I can’t believe you are 18. Happy Birthday Sydney, I love you.
